The Old Joke Thread
- AndrewR
- In the basement lab
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Re: The Old Joke Thread
Never believe what an atom says. They make up everything.
Up in the Great White North
Re: The Old Joke Thread
Kindergarten teacher asks her class about their daytrip to the farm: "And what noises did we hear at the farm?"
Jimmy says: "Mooo!"
"Very good. Any others?"
Billy says: "Baaaa!" says another.
"Excellent. Anyone else?"
Little Johnny says: "GET OFF THAT F*CKING TRACTOR!"
Jimmy says: "Mooo!"
"Very good. Any others?"
Billy says: "Baaaa!" says another.
"Excellent. Anyone else?"
Little Johnny says: "GET OFF THAT F*CKING TRACTOR!"
Daren
Half-assed Spitfire builder!
Half-assed Spitfire builder!
Re: The Old Joke Thread
Two blondes walk into a bar....
...You'd think one of them would have noticed it!
...You'd think one of them would have noticed it!
Daren
Half-assed Spitfire builder!
Half-assed Spitfire builder!
- ejsnotgrass
- The Bug Has Well And Truly Bitten
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Re: The Old Joke Thread
What is the difference between a bad marksman and a constipated owl?
One shoots but cannot hit,the other,well I'll let you work it out.
One shoots but cannot hit,the other,well I'll let you work it out.
- Dazzled
- Modelling Gent and Scholar
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Re: The Old Joke Thread
Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate.
After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.
A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?"
"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the Flight Attendant, "and it took us a while to find a new pilot."
After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.
A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?"
"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the Flight Attendant, "and it took us a while to find a new pilot."
COLD WAR S.I.G. LEADER
Wherever there's danger, wherever there's trouble, wherever there's important work to be done....I'll be somewhere else building a model!
Wherever there's danger, wherever there's trouble, wherever there's important work to be done....I'll be somewhere else building a model!
Re: The Old Joke Thread
Three fish in a tank, one of them says 'How do you start it then?'.
Hoping to return to modelling sometime this year!!
Owner of Marky's Model Emporium since 2013!.
Owner of Marky's Model Emporium since 2013!.
- AndrewR
- In the basement lab
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- Joined: April 5th, 2011, 4:13 pm
- Location: Ottawa, Ontario, The Great White North
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Re: The Old Joke Thread
Two ghosts walk into a bar and try to order drinks.
"Sorry", said the bartender, "We don't serve spirits".
"Sorry", said the bartender, "We don't serve spirits".
Up in the Great White North
- Zee28
- Modelling Gent and Scholar
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Re: The Old Joke Thread
So I walk into a pet shop and ask the man for a goldfish.
"Do you want an aquarium?" he asked.
"I couldn't care less what star sign it is, just give me the darned fish" I replied.
"Do you want an aquarium?" he asked.
"I couldn't care less what star sign it is, just give me the darned fish" I replied.
- AndrewR
- In the basement lab
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Re: The Old Joke Thread
A police dog responds to an ad for work with the Royal Canadian Mounted Police.
"Well," says the personnel director, "you'll have to pass some strict requirements. First, you must be able to type at least 60 words per minute."
Sitting down at the typewriter, the dog types out 80 words per minute.
"Also," says the director, "you must pass a physical and complete the obstacle course." The dog specimen finishes the course in record time.
"There's one final requirement," the director continues; "you must be bilingual."
The dog looks up at him and says, "Meow!"
"Well," says the personnel director, "you'll have to pass some strict requirements. First, you must be able to type at least 60 words per minute."
Sitting down at the typewriter, the dog types out 80 words per minute.
"Also," says the director, "you must pass a physical and complete the obstacle course." The dog specimen finishes the course in record time.
"There's one final requirement," the director continues; "you must be bilingual."
The dog looks up at him and says, "Meow!"
Up in the Great White North
- Zee28
- Modelling Gent and Scholar
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Re: The Old Joke Thread
LOL! Like it Andrew!
Re: The Old Joke Thread
"It's 06:00,"
"What's the '0' stand for?,"
"Oh my god it's early!!".
(Credit to Mr Robin Williams for that one!). Always my favorite line from Good Morning Vietnam.
"What's the '0' stand for?,"
"Oh my god it's early!!".
(Credit to Mr Robin Williams for that one!). Always my favorite line from Good Morning Vietnam.
Hoping to return to modelling sometime this year!!
Owner of Marky's Model Emporium since 2013!.
Owner of Marky's Model Emporium since 2013!.
- Zee28
- Modelling Gent and Scholar
- Posts: 2834
- Joined: March 8th, 2013, 10:21 pm
- Location: South London
Re: The Old Joke Thread
A mate of mine whose in the TA when on an early start he often says things like this:
'And we had to get up at Oh-silly-hundred hours'.
'And we had to get up at Oh-silly-hundred hours'.
- Dazzled
- Modelling Gent and Scholar
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Re: The Old Joke Thread
I went out for a meal the other night.
The waiter gave me a Russian napkin...
....he said it was a soviet.
(Credit to Benny Hill)
The waiter gave me a Russian napkin...
....he said it was a soviet.
(Credit to Benny Hill)
COLD WAR S.I.G. LEADER
Wherever there's danger, wherever there's trouble, wherever there's important work to be done....I'll be somewhere else building a model!
Wherever there's danger, wherever there's trouble, wherever there's important work to be done....I'll be somewhere else building a model!
-
- Onto the Clever Stuff, Now.
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Re: The Old Joke Thread
Q, Why do elephants have four feet?
A, Because they would look silly with four inches!
Q, Why are elephants all grey and wrinkled?
A, Have you ever tried to iron one!
Q, Why do elephants paint their testicles red?
A, So they can hide in cherry trees in the jungle!
Q, What is the loudest noise in the jungle?
A, Giraffe's eating cherries!
A, Because they would look silly with four inches!
Q, Why are elephants all grey and wrinkled?
A, Have you ever tried to iron one!
Q, Why do elephants paint their testicles red?
A, So they can hide in cherry trees in the jungle!
Q, What is the loudest noise in the jungle?
A, Giraffe's eating cherries!
Brute force and ignorance wins every time.
- Softscience
- Staring out the window
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- Location: Maryland, near Washington DC
Re: The Old Joke Thread
I don't get itDazzled wrote:I went out for a meal the other night.
The waiter gave me a Russian napkin...
....he said it was a soviet.
(Credit to Benny Hill)