The Old Joke Thread

[AndrewR]

My mate asked me, 'Can you stop singing Oasis songs?'
I said maybe

Nigel

"How about Beatles songs then? "

"When I'm sixty-four"

[Gregers]

A woman went home from the beauticians and proudly announced to her husband that one of the staff there said to her that she ''has the skin of an 18 year old''. Her husband looked her up and down and said ''Well, you'd better iron it before you give it back''.

and to prove that I'm not sexist here's one from the other side of the fence.

To every man 'Iron man' is a super hero. To every woman it's a simple instruction.

All the best.

Greg

[Clashcityrocker]

The other morning my wife asked me if she could make me a full cooked breakfast. I told her "No thanks I'm not hungry. I think it's the viagra". Later she asked if I'd like a nice lunch, "Still not hungry" I said, "Must be the viagra" At dinner time she asked, "What if I fix you a nice steak and some veggies?" "Sorry love, still not hungry" I replied. "Well can you let me up then? I'm starving" she said

Nigel

[triviatus]

A mother found her two boys throwing rice at each other. 'What do you think you're doing?' she yells. 'We're having a pilau fight,' came the reply

[Gregers]

Q... What do you call an Amish man with his arm up a horses rear?

A... A mechanic.

All the best.

Greg

[Clashcityrocker]

A woman is brought before the judge and charged with beating her husband to death with his guitar collection.
The judge asks "First offender?"
She replies, "No Your Honour, first a Gibson then a Fender"

Nigel

[AndrewR]

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, an American, an Egyptian, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Greek, a Russian, an Estonian, a German, an Italian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, a Canadian, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Czech, and a Welshman walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "I can't let you in without a Thai."

[SBO]

Dad: Son, go to your room.
Son: Dad, you are so unfair! And Jim Morrison is rubbish!
Dad: What have I told you about slamming the Doors?!?

[Zee28]

A woman is brought before the judge and charged with beating her husband to death with his guitar collection.
The judge asks "First offender?"
She replies, "No Your Honour, first a Gibson then a Fender"

Nigel

Vey good! Like that one Nigel

[Dazzled]

A guy walks into a music store and says "I'd like to buy an amplifier. I quite like that white one by the wall"

Assistant says "You're a drummer aren't you?"

Guy says "How do you know that?"

Assistant says "That's a radiator"

[Clashcityrocker]

Recent studies have shown that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it!

Nigel

[gaz262]

What's brown & sounds like a bell?

DUNG!

[Arcwelder]

How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb? (1/3)


One, just as long as a roadie comes along, gets a stepladder, climbs up the stepladder, removes the old bulb, climbs back down the stepladder, gets a new bulb, climbs back up the stepladder and puts it in for him.

[Arcwelder]

How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb? (2/3)

Six. One to change the bulb, the other five to talk about "How much better Neal Peart would have done it, maaaan"

[Arcwelder]

How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb? (3/3, mercifully)


None.

They have a machine for that, these days.