How do you catch a squirrel?
Climb up a tree and act like a nut.
A herd of cows in a field, which one is from the middle east?
Coo eight (Kuwait)
OK I'll get me coat.
The Old Joke Thread
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ejsnotgrass
- The Bug Has Well And Truly Bitten
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AndrewR
- In the basement lab
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Re: The Old Joke Thread
Q: Why couldn't the sailors play cards?
A: Because the Captain was standing on the deck.
A: Because the Captain was standing on the deck.
Up in the Great White North
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Zee28
- Modelling Gent and Scholar
- Posts: 2834
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- Location: South London
Re: The Old Joke Thread
My wedding was a very sad occasion, even the cake was in tiers.
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AndrewR
- In the basement lab
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- Location: Ottawa, Ontario, The Great White North
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Re: The Old Joke Thread
PUPIL – “Would you punish me for something I didn’t do?”
TEACHER – “Of course not.”
PUPIL – “Good, because I haven`t done my homework.”…
TEACHER – “Of course not.”
PUPIL – “Good, because I haven`t done my homework.”…
Up in the Great White North
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Zee28
- Modelling Gent and Scholar
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- Joined: March 8th, 2013, 10:21 pm
- Location: South London
Re: The Old Joke Thread
I know a woman who just lost 14 stone of ugly fat.
She got a divorce.
She got a divorce.
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Zee28
- Modelling Gent and Scholar
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- Location: South London
Re: The Old Joke Thread
My girlfriend went on the Ikea diet.
She lost nearly two stone when her leg fell off.
She lost nearly two stone when her leg fell off.
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Clashcityrocker
- Modelling Gent and Scholar
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- Joined: May 1st, 2011, 12:31 am
- Location: Adelaide. South Australia
Re: The Old Joke Thread
My racing snail isn't doing very well in his races at the moment.
I've removed his shell to reduce weight and make him more aerodynamic.
It hasn't worked.
If anything it's made him more sluggish.
Nigel
I've removed his shell to reduce weight and make him more aerodynamic.
It hasn't worked.
If anything it's made him more sluggish.
Nigel
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AndrewR
- In the basement lab
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- Location: Ottawa, Ontario, The Great White North
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Re: The Old Joke Thread
Q. How do porcupines play leapfrog?
A: Very, very carefully
A: Very, very carefully
Up in the Great White North
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Dazzled
- Modelling Gent and Scholar
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Re: The Old Joke Thread
Q. What's white and can't climb trees?
A. A fridge.
A. A fridge.
COLD WAR S.I.G. LEADER
Wherever there's danger, wherever there's trouble, wherever there's important work to be done....I'll be somewhere else building a model!
Wherever there's danger, wherever there's trouble, wherever there's important work to be done....I'll be somewhere else building a model!
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Dazzled
- Modelling Gent and Scholar
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Re: The Old Joke Thread
Q. What's brown and sticky?
A. A stick.
A. A stick.
COLD WAR S.I.G. LEADER
Wherever there's danger, wherever there's trouble, wherever there's important work to be done....I'll be somewhere else building a model!
Wherever there's danger, wherever there's trouble, wherever there's important work to be done....I'll be somewhere else building a model!
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Dazzled
- Modelling Gent and Scholar
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Re: The Old Joke Thread
Q. What's red and bad for your teeth?
A. A brick.
A. A brick.
COLD WAR S.I.G. LEADER
Wherever there's danger, wherever there's trouble, wherever there's important work to be done....I'll be somewhere else building a model!
Wherever there's danger, wherever there's trouble, wherever there's important work to be done....I'll be somewhere else building a model!
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Zee28
- Modelling Gent and Scholar
- Posts: 2834
- Joined: March 8th, 2013, 10:21 pm
- Location: South London
Re: The Old Joke Thread
A man walks into a fish and chip shop with a salmon under his arm.
He asks the chap behand the counter 'Do you sell fish cakes?'
The chap replies 'Yes we do Sir!'
The man then points at the salmon under his arm and says 'That's good, because it's his birthday tomorrow'
He asks the chap behand the counter 'Do you sell fish cakes?'
The chap replies 'Yes we do Sir!'
The man then points at the salmon under his arm and says 'That's good, because it's his birthday tomorrow'
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Zee28
- Modelling Gent and Scholar
- Posts: 2834
- Joined: March 8th, 2013, 10:21 pm
- Location: South London
Re: The Old Joke Thread
The British police use many different makes of cars these days and the other day a police car went past my office, it was a large Skoda estate car.
But this one said 'Thames River Police' on the side.
Now I don't mean to show off but I know a bit about cars and one thing I can say for sure...... It will definitely sink.
Zee
But this one said 'Thames River Police' on the side.
Now I don't mean to show off but I know a bit about cars and one thing I can say for sure...... It will definitely sink.
Zee
Re: The Old Joke Thread
Why is a Britannia better than a Trident?, Because four s****s beat three B**w J**s!!. (Just in case it's too rude etc!. The first ** aren't nails.. and the second isn't blow football).
My rabbit had a brain transplant the other week. They couldn't get a rabbit's brain so they used one from a Hare. It was a great success but I've noticed a number of his plans are becoming increasingly ill conceived.
ahem...
My rabbit had a brain transplant the other week. They couldn't get a rabbit's brain so they used one from a Hare. It was a great success but I've noticed a number of his plans are becoming increasingly ill conceived.
ahem...
Hoping to return to modelling sometime this year!! 
Owner of Marky's Model Emporium since 2013!.
Owner of Marky's Model Emporium since 2013!.
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Zee28
- Modelling Gent and Scholar
- Posts: 2834
- Joined: March 8th, 2013, 10:21 pm
- Location: South London
Re: The Old Joke Thread
LOL! Brilliant Mark, I like that one a lot!MarkyM607 wrote:My rabbit had a brain transplant the other week. They couldn't get a rabbit's brain so they used one from a Hare. It was a great success but I've noticed a number of his plans are becoming increasingly ill conceived.
ahem...
