MarkyM607 wrote:My rabbit had a brain transplant the other week. They couldn't get a rabbit's brain so they used one from a Hare. It was a great success but I've noticed a number of his plans are becoming increasingly ill conceived.
ahem...
LOL! Brilliant Mark, I like that one a lot!
Glad you liked it!, should I admit it's not mine?. Nah....
Hoping to return to modelling sometime this year!!
Owner of Marky's Model Emporium since 2013!.
A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the 'Chicken Surprise',
The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.
Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.
'Good grief, did you see that?' she asks her husband. He hadn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down..
Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.
'Please sir,' says the waiter, 'what did you order?'
The husband replies, 'Chicken Surprise'
'Ah! So sorry,' says the waiter, 'I’ve served you Peeking Duck .'
Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica ? Where do they go?
Wonder no more!!!!!!! It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.
If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.
The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:
”Freeze a jolly good fellow."
John Ratzenberger
It's my model and I'll do what I want with it.
jRatz wrote:Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica ? Where do they go?
Wonder no more!!!!!!! It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.
If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.
The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:
”Freeze a jolly good fellow."
They're actually eaten by carnivore's that are white with a hole in the middle: Polo Bears!!
Hoping to return to modelling sometime this year!!
Owner of Marky's Model Emporium since 2013!.
A blonde police woman stops a blonde woman driver for speeding. She asks
the driver for her operator's license when the blonde driver respond's "What
does a driver license look like?". The blonde female officer says " it is about 2 by
3 inches in size and has your picture on it". The driver digs in her handbag and
sees her reflection on a 2 by 3 inch make up mirror. She hands it to the officer
assuming it was her driver license. After examination by the blonde police
women, she comments " I see you are a police officer as well". Lyell
The bell ringer at the cathedral had retired after many years of service, so the priest placed an ad in the paper for a new bell ringer. The next day, a man came to apply for the job, but the priest couldn't help noticing that he had no arms.
"How are you going to ring the bell with no arms?" he asked. "Let me show you, the man replied."
So they trudged up the many stair to the bell tower. The man stood against the wall, got a running start and ran at full speed toward the largest bell. When he struck the bell with his face, it made the most beautiful sound that the priest had ever heard.
Then the man ran at another bell and with the first bell still resonating, the harmony was magnificent. He ran again at a third bell, but this time he slipped and instead of hitting the bell he skidded out the window and fell to his death on the ground below.
The priest ran downstairs and outside, where a crowd had formed around the dead man's body. "Who is this?" the crowd asked. The priest replied,
(Drumroll, maestro please)
"Well, I don't know his name, but his face rings a bell."
About a week later, another man came to see the priest. He looked just like the first man, including the fact that he had no arms.
"I understand that my twin brother was here last week and met an unfortunate demise," the man said. "It was always his ambition to be a bell ringer at a great cathedral, and I appreciate you giving him a chance."
"Since he was unable to fulfill his lifetime goal, I insist that you let me have the job in his honor," said the man.
"Well," said the priest, "You can try if you wish, but I must warn you it's very dangerous. That's how your brother died."
But the man insisted, and they went up to the bell tower. This time, the armless man was able to ring five of the bells and the resulting melody enchanted everyone who heard it. But as he was attempting the sixth bell, he too slipped and fell to his death.
Again, the priest rushed downstairs, and again the crowd asked, "Who is this man?"
This time, the priest replied,
(more drumrolls)
"He never told me his name, but he's a dead ringer for his brother."
Got this one yesterday and thought it an absolute pearler
No dictionary has ever been able to satisfactorily define the difference between “complete” and “finished.” However, during a recent linguistic conference, held in London, England, and attended by some of the best linguists in the world, Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese linguist, was the presenter when he was asked to make that very distinction.
The question put to him by a colleague in the erudite audience was this: “Some say there is no difference between ‘complete’ and ‘finished.’ Please explain the difference in a way that is easy to understand.”
Mr. Balgobin’s response: “When you marry the right woman, you are ‘complete.’ If you marry the wrong woman, you are ‘finished’ and, if the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are ‘completely finished.’”
His answer received a five minute standing ovation.
3 on the bench at anytime............well sometimes!!
Lyell
