The Unofficial Airfix Modellers' Forum

Never believe what an atom says. They make up everything.

Kindergarten teacher asks her class about their daytrip to the farm: "And what noises did we hear at the farm?"

Jimmy says: "Mooo!"
"Very good. Any others?"
Billy says: "Baaaa!" says another.
"Excellent. Anyone else?"
Little Johnny says: "GET OFF THAT F*CKING TRACTOR!"

Two blondes walk into a bar....

...You'd think one of them would have noticed it!

What is the difference between a bad marksman and a constipated owl?

One shoots but cannot hit,the other,well I'll let you work it out.

Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate.

After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.

A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?"

"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the Flight Attendant, "and it took us a while to find a new pilot."

Three fish in a tank, one of them says 'How do you start it then?'.

Two ghosts walk into a bar and try to order drinks.
"Sorry", said the bartender, "We don't serve spirits".

So I walk into a pet shop and ask the man for a goldfish.

"Do you want an aquarium?" he asked.

"I couldn't care less what star sign it is, just give me the darned fish" I replied.

A police dog responds to an ad for work with the Royal Canadian Mounted Police.

"Well," says the personnel director, "you'll have to pass some strict requirements. First, you must be able to type at least 60 words per minute."

Sitting down at the typewriter, the dog types out 80 words per minute.

"Also," says the director, "you must pass a physical and complete the obstacle course." The dog specimen finishes the course in record time.

"There's one final requirement," the director continues; "you must be bilingual."

The dog looks up at him and says, "Meow!"

LOL! Like it Andrew!

"It's 06:00,"
"What's the '0' stand for?,"
"Oh my god it's early!!".
(Credit to Mr Robin Williams for that one!). Always my favorite line from Good Morning Vietnam.

A mate of mine whose in the TA when on an early start he often says things like this:

'And we had to get up at Oh-silly-hundred hours'.

I went out for a meal the other night.

The waiter gave me a Russian napkin...

....he said it was a soviet.

(Credit to Benny Hill)

Q, Why do elephants have four feet?
A, Because they would look silly with four inches!

Q, Why are elephants all grey and wrinkled?
A, Have you ever tried to iron one!

Q, Why do elephants paint their testicles red?
A, So they can hide in cherry trees in the jungle!

Q, What is the loudest noise in the jungle?
A, Giraffe's eating cherries!

Dazzled wrote:I went out for a meal the other night.

The waiter gave me a Russian napkin...

....he said it was a soviet.

(Credit to Benny Hill)

I don't get it